Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Blogging for Fun or Profit?

Okay -- not profit, but rather for an audience (which didn't sound as pithy in the title)... in other words, who do I blog for? For me, to work out my issues, vent, etc.? Or for you, the audience (which often brings me to the "if a tree falls in the woods" saying, because I don't think too many people are reading this?

I guess it's the age-old question in blogging, which is hardly that old. Some people obviously blog with the audience in mind. I'm not sure if I do or not. But I know I sometimes (often?) consider audience response, calculating the way I say things to maximize possible comments. Which is silly, but as a screenwriter and filmmaker, I tend to want the audience response. I crave it, and when I post and don't get it, I second-guess myself and think about how I can make my posts more "comment-friendly."

But I keep coming back to the question of why I am blogging in the first place. And posts like this -- meta-blogging, as it were -- seem rather pointless.

Update on my film for the summer
Plans are rolling along. I am getting my LLC started this week (well, the lawyer is getting started this week -- it'll take several weeks for everything to be done) so I can get the investor money in the bank. I just want to go out and make this film; I hate having to hire a lawyer, start a company (which isn't cheap, by the way), pay for the lawyer (also not cheap), negotiate with the investor, etc. etc. Hate hate hate it. Did I mention I frickin' hate it? Well, I do.

On the positive side, I recently found out that two of my scripts have reached the quarterfinal round of a decent script competition. I wasn't going to enter these things anymore, but it will help my tenure case since it's considered peer review of my 'scholarly work,' so here's hoping I finally go all th eway in a competition this year. Better yet, here's hoping the film gets picked up by a distributor after a successful screening at Sundance, and one of my scripts sells to an indie company. Then I won't care about tenure. Actually, that's not true. Ironically, I'll still care, and even if I develop a steady film career, I may want to keep teaching. I like it a lot, and if I have that other career, the pressure will be off because they'll want to keep me anyway. I have a family, and want the stability of a regular job. Though i would probably cut back on my responsibilities by buying out part of my contract (assuming I had the money to do so by virtue of the film career).

Weird dream last night. I dreamt that I left my current post after two years here to take a similar job at my undergrad institution. And for some reason, me and my family lived in some sort of on-campus basement apartment that was doubled as a passage for students and staff... i.e., the bedroom itself wasn't totally private, but during the day, people would be walking through there on their way to meetings. It was a vivid dream. I remember trying to work out in my head -- during the dream -- why I left here after only two years. It didn't make sense to me, as I am currently very happy (and the move itself, with family in tow, took a lot out of us -- so it won't happen again soon!)

There was another topic about which I was going to blog, but my short term memory sucks lately, I forgot what the subject was, and I really have to pee...


At 6:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like maybe some repressed or hidden sexual desires. Maybe some fear of a secret being exposed and/or some secret desire to express sexual desires in a public way.

Your entries are riddled with angst, frustration, despair. I sense you are reaching out. For what? Maybe you do not know.

Good luck with the film.

At 6:51 AM, Blogger TerminalMFA said...

Angst, frustration, and despair, huh? Interesting -- I don't think of myself as primarily angsty or despairing. Maybe those elements of life are just the most interesting to blog about. If I blogged about the good day I had this week, no one would care.

Or would they? I don't know. It goes to the whole question of why one blogs.

At 10:39 AM, Anonymous Chuck said...

Glad to hear that your scripts and film are going fairly well. Also good to hear that you're enjoying teaching.

I think it's natural to do a lot of meta-blogging, and I've done more than my share. I haven't wanted to meta-blog lately, especially since my career is currenmtly in a transitional phase (so to speak).

In terms of the dream, I'd say there's something specific about your/our undergraduate institution that might inspire such a dream. That is, I don't think there's anything accidental about Conservative Private U showing up in the dream. Perhpas it's an unconscious rejection of some aspects of that part of your life?

At 10:41 AM, Anonymous Chuck said...

Then again, I'm no dream expert. And I've consciously rejected many of teh values that I associated with Conservative Private U.

At 2:28 PM, Blogger TerminalMFA said...

Hmmm... interesting. Never really thought of it in terms of my feelings about Conservative Private U. I think I was thinking about it in terms of my current position and my feelings about THAT. I have fairly mixed feelings about Conservative Private U -- a lot of positive feelings, but a frustration that they are still operating like they're in the mid 20th century, when it comes to my field -- sort of ignoring the presence of film and the need to, you know, actually train kids who want to go into that field how to be good at what they do (and educating all kids to be intelligent an discriminating media viewers)...


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